Back on track

Last week I ran Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. I did the whole run/walk thing. I felt great on Monday and Wednesday, but Friday, well - not so much. I still have pain in my right leg tonight. So, more rest is in order, I guess.

As instructed, I iced my legs after every one of the runs. I streched after a walking warmup. I didn't push myself (all three runs less than four miles each). I've taken my aleve about an hour before running - not much else to do.

Still, I think I'll be able to run again tomorrow (if I don't have any pain). Also, I'm actually paying attention to the eating again - the biggest change being eating less often in the building cafeteria and drinking less alcohol. I don't want to gain more - and I really don't want to buy new clothes.

I'll get back in the swing of things. Give me a couple weeks.

when the future's uncertain...travel...

I've been on a airline ticket purchasing binge the past two days - spent close to $1500 that I don't have for fun trips in the future (and dang it its gonna be worth it). After months of deliberation and slight sadness over the fact that I have no friends who have the money or time to take two weeks off in August to travel around Europe with me, I finally took the plunge.

I'M GOING TO ITALY!!!

I bought round trip tickets to Venice (cheapest tickets I could find - save enough to pay for a train pass). Now I get to spend the next few months planning my trip. Do I want to go to Capri or the Amalfi coast? How much time do I want to spend in Rome or Florence? And most importantly, where should I eat? I'm excited and nervous - its a trip I've always wanted to take. Still, I'd love company. If you have some free time at the end of August/beginning of September (and I know you) and you want to bum around Italy for a couple weeks, let me know. Otherwise, I'm going to have this adventure all by myself, and I'm okay with that too.

The other ticket was slightly less exciting but still very fun.

I'M GOING TO WILLIAMSBURG!!!

Seriously - yay weddings and seeing college friends and eating snow-to-go and seeing historic sites and driving down the colonial parkway and sitting by the beach/James river and going to the cheese shop and everything.

Who needs to worry about work when you have vacations to look forward to.

And my doubts just got bigger

Last night, I learned that one of my 2 good friends in Chicago is probably moving. Again, I felt my stomach drop, and I suddenly wondered, "what have I done?" I not normally one for regrets, but this doesn't seem like my normal situation to me. Have I made a big mistake?

Earthquake

So, I woke up at about 4:30 this morning to a vibrating bed. I quickly realized it wasn't just the bed that was vibrating - the whole building was shaking and rattling. It really freaked me out.

the wait is over

And the winner is...Shin Splints (or tibial periostitis if you are medically inclined).

Mere minutes after writing that last post, my doctor called. The good news is its not a stress fracture and whatever the heck is wrong with my connective tissue is not in danger of "rupture," whatever that means. The bad news is, its actually in both legs...yippy! And apparently, the right leg is just worse. So - the treatment is: warm up with walking before running, stretch, go back to running slowly using a walk/run pattern, ice after every run (whether my legs hurt or not), and take naproxin (as I can't take Celebrex - yeah Sulfa drug allergy). Also, the doc recommended that I bike or swim instead of running for a while - till the inflammation goes down a bit more. We'll see about that one. I mean, its been 3 weeks of no running at this point, and its slowly sucking my will.

still waiting

so, yeah...Still waiting on the test results. GRRRRR!

The good news is that the bone scan tech said she didn't see anything extraordinary.

Waiting sucks...

self-diagnosis

I saw the doctor today. Now, I know exactly the same as much as I guessed when I went in. I either have shin splints or a stress fracture. The good news is I don't have any weird anatomical defect that is causing the problem: my hips and ankles are normal;, my knees are normal; my feet are normal (well, the left one is super flat, but since that's not the bad leg, we are ignoring it - plus I already knew that). I also learned that I was correctly treating myself - and that my decision not to run until diagnosed was a good one. I also learned that since I'm allergic to sulfa drugs, celebrex (a NSAID that has some sulphuric something or other) is not for me.

You can't normally see a stress fracture from x-rays so on Friday I get the pleasure of returning to the hospital for a bone scan. Its not exactly the quickest process (inject dye a couple hours before the actual scan). I have to be at the hospital at 10:30, get my injection at 11, get the bone scan at 1. The hospital is about 45 minutes from my work, so I'm guessing no work for me.

So, no running at least till I get the results of the bone scan. I guess its a good thing I got that gym membership.

I'm a spaz

Yesterday I blogged about my hike. I left out the funniest part.

I locked myself in a bathroom.

That's right, I locked myself in a state park bathroom. I went in, turned the deadbolt, and went about my business. After I washed my hands, I went to unlock the deadbolt. It turned, sort of, but not enough. The door wouldn't open. I became more aware of the bugs and the heat and the fact that there weren't any windows that I could reach. I began to panic. I turned off my ipod, pulled out my bottle of water, put my hair in a ponytail, and reminded myself, that I would be alright. I had a bottle of water (not to mention a sink and flushing toilet); I had entertainment in the form of both a book and my ipod; I had my cell phone. I continued to futz with the lock and the door, and pulled out the cell phone and dialed the only "adult" I knew would know where I was and could help me out - my roommate's mom. She was surprised by my predicament, offered to drive out to see if she could help me (I was about 25 minutes away from her), and then gladly got out her phone book to look up the state park's office to call them to let me out. I continued to twist and bang on the door, hoping it would yield. She had just dialed that parks office, when the deadbolt gave just a little bit more and suddenly I was free. I didn't need the park rangers to come rescue me, I had managed to free myself from a rusty old bathroom deadbolt. Lesson learned: be careful of the locks you lock behind yourself.

Second spaz attack: I fell down the stairs outside my apartment. I was attempting to walk down the stairs in brand new flip flops and talk on the phone at the same time. Clearly, I am not adequately skilled for this endeavor - and suddenly I found myself lying on the ground saying "Fuck!" I'm bruised on my lower back and just above my right elbow (I KNOW). The elbow is the bad one, but at least when I stood up I knew I was fine cause I thought to myself, well that doesn't feel like a break. Lesson learned: new flip flops are slippery.

wet feet and bruised butt

This weekend was the perfect spring weekend. The sun was shining, the trees were in bloom, and the temperature was in the mid sixties. Perfect. Its the kind of weather that almost makes up for the months of rain we've been having around here. It was the kind of weather that forces you to just go outside and play. And play I did.

Yesterday, for the first time since the accident, I got on my bike. Like me, the bike was not fully recovered, but it doesn't seem that much worse for the wear. After putting the chain back on and fighting with a bike rack, three of us headed out. I wanted to start nice and easy, and around here, easy means the Katy trail. We rode out to Creve Coeur Park, biked across the Missouri (even though the flooding hasn't been on the Missouri yet, parts of the flood plain were definitely getting hit). We then rambled along till we got to downtown St.Charles, where they happened to be having a highland festival or something (well, my friends "rambled," I more accurately, pedaled as hard as I could to keep up - I'm sooo out of biking shape!). Imagine three girls weaving their bikes through throngs of people, some of whom were fully decked out in their ren. faire gear! We ended up stopping and listening to a bit of the "concert" and grabbing a beer. Somehow I managed to get beer in my helmet - don't ask - before we headed back to the car. 20 miles and fighting back my fear.

Since I'm off running at least till Wednesday when I see the doctor,I decided to go hiking today. I drove out to Castlewood state park, south and west of here - on the Meramec. Now, I hadn't been out to the Meramec since the flooding,and its still pretty bad out there. About half the park is closed (including parts of the prettiest trail). It was odd to see the trees submerged up to their midpoints. I parked by one path, and then had to cross a creek (normally a dry creek bed, but not right now). I hate wet shoes, but it was worth it. Going up high into the river bluffs - staring at the valley below me. Catching sight of the boys bouldering on the side of the cliff (which they were NOT supposed to be doing). Stepping off the path so bikers could get by on the singletrack (its a multi-use path). Being amazed at the trail runners pumping up a very steep hill. My running shoes don't look so new, they look like they've had some fun.

One thing can ruin a perfect spot like that - smoking. I just don't get it. Why would you climb a river bluff so you could smoke your foul smelling cigarettes and drink a 40. How is that a good idea. The beer is fine, but the cigarette...ICK!

40 years later

I'd never read the entirety this before, but I think its worth reading, especially today.

I See the Promised Land

Swimming

I actually sucked it up and joined a gym so that I could start this swimming nonsense. I'm not much of a swimmer. The last time I spent any serious time in a pool swimming was on swim team in 7th grade (now that I think about it, I looked pretty good by the end of that summer). What I've done in the pool since then can more accurately be described as "floating." Most of my pool time has involved a large inflatable raft with cup holders and lots of spf 15. It has not involved things like goggles and swim caps and lane dividers. It hasn't involved kick boards or paddles.

I'm very unused to exercising without the distraction of my ipod. I think that's the thing that is taking me longest to get used to with swimming. There's nothing but me and my thoughts and the slight ache in my shoulders (doubling up with swimming and rock climbing should give me pretty nice arms for sleeveless shirts come summer). Most of my thoughts involve this line of thinking: "stroke stroke stroke breathe stroke stroke stroke breathe..." Sometimes they involve, "wait what's that dude doing in the bleachers..." or "man, water aerobics is funny to watch..." or "I really hope that guy's speedo doesn't fall off..." So, yeah, very productive thinking time.

On a different note, must learn to do a flip turn without getting water up my nose.

going to the doctor's again

You may have noticed that I haven't been writing about the running much - even though I declared that I was going to try to run the half marathon again. Part of it has been that with all the traveling (4 trips to Chicago in the past 2 months), I didn't make time for my long runs. Part of it has been that the weather here sucked and I can't run more than 5 miles on a treadmill. But, the biggest part has been my right leg - weird bone pain.

So, when I first started training for the half in January, I was also going to Zumba classes on Monday nights. I think the combination of the two - with the jumping then the running, just did my right calf in. I had pretty intense pain - I actually had trouble walking for days afterward. When the pain got so bad I couldn't walk well for days afterward, I gave my leg a rest. I didn't run for a week. I iced it. I bought new shoes (cause well, doesn't that always solve everything), and I kind of quit training. Now its been two months since that pain set in, and my leg still isn't right. In the past month I haven't had a single run that has been over 4 miles and my mileage for a week is minuscule.

This week I ran a relatively quick mile on Tuesday (woo - 10:20), and a nice slow run on Wednesday (14 minutes at 5 mph). Wednesday night my leg hurt bad, in that same spot. (Its kind of on the back of the tibia right beneath the bulk of my calf muscle). My leg still hurts now. When I press on the spot on my bone the ache worsens. So, now I'm afraid that I somehow let a minor case of shin splints spiral into a stress fracture. Its not normal to still have pain from a one mile run 4 days later.

So I made an appointment with a doctor. In the mean time, no running for me. I think I'm going to take up swimming.

Major life decisions

Today I made a major life decision. I'm officially committed to a job and moving to Chicago. I know what my salary is going to be and when I am going to start.

It wasn't an easy decision for me. I had doubts. I know that the work and the pay will be good, but I'm not so sure about everything else. I love my mid-sized Midwestern city. I love my friends. I love that I know where everything is, and I love that I know what to expect. I'm a bit afraid of change - I've never been good at change. I'm scared of starting over in a new place. I'm scared of having to learn where the post office is, how to drive in city traffic, and how to navigate a bus system. I'm scared of being lonely and alone. I'm scared of leaving my comfort zone. I'm scared that I'll fail.

For the past couple weeks, since I learned that I hadn't gotten a different job, I've walked around with a knot in my stomach. I've been unsure whether my stomach hurt because my instinct was saying don't go there or because I was afraid of making the wrong decision. Every time I thought about my choices, my mind whirled and my stomach clenched.

I'm not sure I made the right decision. I'm not sure I'll be happy. I'm not sure if I should have waited and explored other options. I'm not sure if things were meant to be.

For the first time as an adult, I've accepted a job that doesn't make me want to jump up and down with joy - I have no desire to go out and celebrate. I feel unsure about whether "congratulations" are in order. Instead, I wait in nervous anticipation of what the future holds.

I don't like change, but several months ago, I committed to myself that I was going to attempt to make this change. I've made my choice - now I have to wait for the results.

I am my mother's daughter

As a child and teenager, I used to roll my eyes and be mortified by the fact that my mom would talk to strangers. She would randomly sit down next to someone and suddenly they would know my entire life story. Sometimes she would speak to people without prompting and they clearly wouldn't want to talk to her. But more often, people would approach her and chat away for hours at end. I was always embarrassed.

Recently, I've decided that I've got more of my mom in me than I previously thought. I am approached by random and talk to random people. I'm sure many of you remember my experiences with meeting people on a train, in a grocery store parking lot, and in the sauna at a gym. My recent random meetings have now expanded to include at a free hotel happy hour and at an outdoor ice skating rink. Here's the stories:

A week or so ago, I was up in Chicago for some interviews (still waiting on the results, I'm freaking out a bit) and was staying at a pretty nice boutique hotel in the River North area of the city. My hotel had a free cocktail party from 5:30 to 7:00. After a long day of interviewing (caught a flight at 6 am, finished interviewing at 4:30), a drink sounded pretty good. I had dinner plans to meet up with some friends around 7, so I figured, what the hell, I'll just go to this happy hour and enjoy a nice glass of wine by myself. When I got up there, I noticed a group of gentlemen (two older guys and a guy about my age) sitting at a couple tables and chatting. I sat down next to them and shortly was drawn into the conversation. The guy my age was moving to Chicago and was up there looking at apartments. I gave him some advice about neighborhoods and we all chatted amicably for the next hour or so.

Shortly after 7, one of my friends called to say she was on her way to pick me up. I knew the boy had no plans for the evening so I invited him along. After thinking about it for a minute, he said sure. Before my friend got there we talked some more in the lobby and he got my number. I think the dinner conversation probably scared him off (it was overly girly and gossipy), but it certainly made for a fun evening. I doubt I'll hear from him, but that totally made my interview trip more exciting.

Then last night, I decided to go ice skating at Steinberg rink (its a large outdoor rink in Forest Park). The ice was almost perfect and there was practically nobody out there (cold and windy night). The older guy who was out there chatted with me for a little bit, but then we drifted off to other things. After a while I noticed that I was being pretty much tailed by someone else. I had my ipod on, and he asked me a question, so I had to pull the ear buds out from under the earmuffs to hear him. I then proceeded to spend the next hour skating with him and ended up driving him home (he doesn't have a car and took public transport to the rink and it was cold and windy out).

I think he was trying to ask me out to dinner when he commented on the fact that he always ends up eating out even though he has leftover at home (and I of course was oblivious and commented how I ate out way too much last weekend and needed to eat at home). Then he asked me if I would be skating on Saturday afternoon again. I wouldn't commit. Part of me wondered if he was just being polite or if he liked me. And, if he liked me, why ask the vague, "will you be there again?" question - why not just ask for my number? Anyway, we'll see if I see that one again.

So, yeah, I talk to strangers - hell, I invite them to dinner and drive them home.

sometimes things don't go quite as planned

Sorry I haven't blogged in a while. I've had some stuff going on in my life that I can't really write about. Until yesterday I hadn't run in over a week, and I think the half marathon may be off my plate this spring (though we shall see).

The good news is that I'm doing really well; I've had some great interviews, and I feel very optimistic about a future in Chicago.

The bad is pretty terrible. Horrible things happened. I had friends who were personally affected and my workplace was somewhat involved. I feel some guilt, some anger, and some fear. I was in complete shock. On to of that I had a minor medical crisis. Nothing serious and I'm completely fine (though had to undergo a somewhat painful procedure that I will not recount here).

Last week sucked.

This week is better. Hopefully next week will be even better.

Weight: 167.6
Miles: 4 yesterday, elliptical today

doubling up

Last night, I ached when I went to bed. My legs felt like jelly. My arms could hardly be lifted over my head, even my face hurt (I think I have a slight sinus infection). Yesterday, I ran my four mile pace workout. It felt great. I'm very happy with my speed - running 1/2 a mile at a pace that I could barely maintain for a quarter mile a couple weeks ago was pretty cool. After my run, I cooled down, took a body shower, ran to the downtown grocery store, grabbed a quick high calorie dinner (mmm quesadillas), and drove over to the rock climbing gym. I knew it wasn't going to be a good day for climbing cause just taking the steps up four flights to get my car in the garage was hard. I always thought I climbed too much with my arms, but last night, with completely blown legs, I proved that I actually use my legs quite a bit. I sucked last night (couldn't make it to the top on any wall - I'd start shaking about half way up), but it was way fun.

After that, I drove home and started packing. This weekend could be pretty major for me in the work area of my life so wish me luck. By the time I climbed in bed last night, I was utterly exhausted physically, but I still couldn't sleep. I had hoped that the physical exhaustion would help, but instead I lay there slightly uncomfortable from muscle soreness and got thought about my excitement and nervousness...its gonna be a long weekend.

Weight: 166.2
Miles: 4 (43:40 - slow 1 mile warmup, 400 meters fast, 200 slow (repeat), 1/2 mile fast, 400 meters slow, 400 meters fast, 200 slow (repeat), 3/4 mile slow cooldown)

cookie dough

As some of you may know, I have a bit of a binge eating problem. I generally live in denial that its really a problem, and most of the time, I manage to suppress the general urge to binge. Still, certain foods are trigger foods, and no matter how bad I know they are for me, I can't resist eating myself sick. For me, cookie dough is one of those foods.

Most of the time, I can pass the prepackaged rolls at the grocery store and not even think about the craving. Most of the time, I don't long for the taste and the full feeling that comes from cookie dough before I get sick. I don't generally buy it (unless I'm really depressed and well, ok, sometimes when I'm super stressed). But, when its in the house, sitting there, open, with no purpose other than snacking - ohhh...how evil and tempting.

My roommate bought a tub of cookie dough for her birthday party. She intended it to be a drunk food - possibly to bake cookies with, mostly to be eaten with a spoon. She opened the container earlier that day (and how proud of myself I was that I didn't open the GIANT TUB of cookie dough that had been sitting in my fridge for three days and dig in before then), and that was a good portion of my lunch that day. I ate it again the next day, and the one after that, and the one after that, and again today. I've gorged myself on giant spoonfuls. I think a good part of my continued hangover on Monday was due to dough consumption rather than alcohol consumption. As long as it sits in my fridge, I am tempted and generally give in to that temptation. The sad thing is, I don't even like chocolate chip cookie dough - I love sugar cookie dough, but the chocolate chips make it ... blah:-P yet still, I eat and eat and make myself sick.

Sometimes, especially times like this, I worry that I should seek treatment for my binge food eating. Why do I do this to myself (note that I would NEVER buy a GIANT TUB of cookie dough on my own - although I have been known to buy a roll of cookie dough and eat myself sick on those too)? Grrr...

Run: 5 miles - 1 hour, 1 minute
Weight: 169.2

I'm officially old

Sunday was my roommate's birthday, and we had a big party on Saturday night. I don't drink much these days - maybe have a beer three times a month, so my binge drinking on Saturday night was a bit much for my body.

I had anticipated the fact that I was going to feel like crap on Sunday. I figured I wouldn't get my long run in on Sunday, but it didn't matter cause I didn't have to work on Monday. Surely I could easily run my 5 miles on Monday. Not so much.

Monday, I actually felt worse than Sunday. My stomach was still rebelling (I never threw up, but just curled up in a ball and wanted whatever was eating my stomach from the inside out to finally die). I ate nothing for most of Monday and didn't get dressed or leave the apartment. So, I didn't get my 5 miles in that day either.

Now, I'm torn. I think I'm just going to continue with the schedule and pretend that I didn't skip the five...or maybe run five tomorrow instead of the three that's on my schedule...stupid hangover...

addiction

So, I've known for quite some time that I'm addicted to caffeine. I can't go a day without a jolt or I get terrible headaches. But, I always thought that I was just addicted to caffeine. I never would have guessed that it was also soda - not just the drug, but the product.

The first couple days of my no soda ban were easy. Switching to coffee instead of soda was fine in the mornings. I sort of like the ritual of brewing coffee - the warm comforting rich bitter smell waking me up and easing me into my day. I like filling up my mug and hopping in the car to go to work. It feels very grown up.

Still, a few days ago, I began to have a slight understanding of what an alcoholic feel like (I'm not comparing, but beginning to understand just how hard it actually is). For the past week or so, around 2 pm, I've started craving a Diet Pepsi. I want it so bad. I used to get one every afternoon at that time, and I know I have the fifty cents in my desk drawer and that the soda is mere steps away. I think to myself, "Its just one soda. One soda won't hurt you. It will help you get through this long afternoon." But, I have somehow managed to resist.

The problem is, I know its never just one soda. If I let myself get one, I'll want one again tomorrow. I know that having one an afternoon will lead me to start buying 12 packs again (and going through about 3 twelve packs a week). Maybe I don't need to give up soda forever (though I suspect that I do), but still, for right now, I know I have to resist.

No run last night, instead I managed to deal with some car issues, buy new running shoes, and work late - gonna run 3 tonight.
Weight: 167.4

ode to the basement bomb shelter

Recently I read an article about how gyms are what are making people fat. I don't really buy the substance of the article, but it got me thinking. A lot of the gist was that the modern bells and whistles of a gym do more harm than good. People think they are supposed to be entertained at the gym. Overweight people are intimidated by the skinny people, giant mirrors, and complicated machines. They think that doing a few reps on a weight machine will do the trick. I have found that for me, the gym environment really does make a big difference about whether or not I go.

My current gym is a perfect example of this. Its on the first floor of a federal courthouse in a drab windowless room. It was built in the space where the day care would have been, except, I work in the first federal courthouse built after Oklahoma city, and well, they decided that a day care was a bad idea. There are two tv sets that are constantly set to CNN. There are no mirrors. There are four fans in the place, and the magazines are whatever other people have brought in and left behind the desk thing by the door. There is no pilates room, or separate weight area
(the Marshals have their own training room - not to be shared with the common folks), or juice bar, or laundry service.

Its pretty basic stuff: six treadmills (only four that can take running, two are for walking only), two regular bikes, one recumbent bike, two spin bikes, six ellipticals, two rowing machines, a pair of stair climber, weight machines, and free weights. That's it. There are no personal trainers or membership fees. No time limits on the cardio equipment.

I love my gym. Its simple and easy. Its never crowded after work (although lunch time can be busy). I never feel like I'm being judged for my workout. On days like today, its perfectly ok for me to run two miles and then hop on a bike for 20 minutes.

I think I do best with simple places with people who leave you alone. Last year, I joined a 24 hour fitness. The manager guy who always remembered me and said hi, creeped me out. I dreaded going to that placed lined with windows to the outdoors, mirrors, hundreds of televisions, and blasting music. Just walking into the brightly lit interior made me feel inferior. I don't know why. It was a beautiful gym, but I never belonged there. My membership lasted all of six months. Even though I had that beautiful gym that was available 24 hours a day, I instead mostly headed down to the basement bomb shelter that was the free gym at work. I felt safe and secure there. It feel good to be spending a significant amount of time down there again - it makes my mom sad though, cause no way am I meeting any guys at the gym...

Miles: 2
Weight: 170.2 (don't know why its up right now, I'm still doing WW and I've been good - gonna keep trying - I know weight can fluctuate and its not the end of the world)