Thursday, July 12, 2007

breaking up is hard to do

Don't worry, I'm not speaking of boy breaking up (although I am TERRIBLE at that as well), I'm instead speaking of a "running partner" breakup that I haven't done yet. I put "running partner" in quotes because, well, she hasn't been much of one. We have a standing agreement that I will drive over to her apartment building and meet her at 6:20 in the morning for a 40 minute run in the park, 2 days a week. This is not for my benefit. I have no trouble getting myself to workout 5 days a week (though if left to my own devices, this might involve more biking and elliptical machines in the summer and less running). The timing also isn't for my benefit - I could leave my apartment at 7:45 and still have plenty of time for a 45 minute run. I don't leave my apartment in the morning until 8:15/8:20, and I just hop in the shower and grab some breakfast post run. So, I've been getting up 40 minutes early, driving over to her place, and waiting for her to come down two days a week (unless she kindly calls or texts ahead to tell me not to meet her).

Unfortunately, I'm getting annoyed. At least one day a week, she cancels. Either by calling ahead or just not showing up when I'm waiting around outside her building (I wait until 6:30, if she's not there, I go run by myself). This week she texted ahead to cancel on Tuesday, and then just didn't show up this morning. Now, the texting or calling ahead is better than just not showing up, but still not great. I still wake up early and then have to check my phone. Even if I go back to sleep, its not the same as sleeping in until my regular wake up time (I normally end up sort of going back to sleep and then working out after work or at lunch in the gym at work). I'm annoyed, but I don't know how to end this running relationship.

At first, I tried to be understanding because I know she has a history of insomnia. If she can't fall asleep until 3 A.M., I can totally understand why she would need to sleep in as late as possible. Then she broke up with her boyfriend, this process took a couple weeks, with her staying up very very late talking to him on the phone. I tried to be understanding and didn't complain about her missing the runs, but here's the thing...I'm not that understanding, its still pissed me off. And now, I'm sure she's depressed about the breakup and still has insomnia issues, but that's not my problem.

Plus, while she is a lovely friend and I enjoy spending time with her, she doesn't help me much with my runs. She's slightly faster than me in the beginning, but then can't keep up as we hit mile 3 or so. Plus, she doesn't talk while running - she's a total headphones girl. I have no beef with running with headphones. I do it myself when I'm running alone or on a treadmill (yes, I know its not safe while running outdoors, but my love for running just isn't strong enough to allow me to do it without the benefit of music). Still, when I run with others, I try to carry on a conversation. It helps the time pass and allows me to avoid hating every playlist on my ipod. I ran the entire half marathon without music, as well as all of my long runs where I had company. So, running with her is quite a bit like running alone. I've only agreed to meet her in the morning to help motivate her and that's obviously not working.

The question is - how do I end it? I don't want to kick her while she's down, but I don't think I can put up with a couple more weeks of this.


Anonymous said...

This is a hard situation, and I've been through something very much like this. Just be honest with her. Tell her that you've enjoyed running with her, but you know she's been focusing on other things lately, and the twice weekly runs seem like too much for her to commit to right now. Leave the ball in her court by telling her that you'd like to run with her again, but maybe not on a schedule (if she would like to run, she could call you and see if you're up for it). This worked for me. Instead of working out together 4 days a week, I go at it alone. She usually calls me and we end up working out together about once a week. It's much better than being stood up three times a week! Good luck!

Midwestern Meg said...

The breakup has occurred. I gave her one more chance this morning, and she cancelled again - this time claiming terrible allergies. Its quite clear that meeting me isn't enough of a motivator to get her up and running