Its official

As of today, I have informed my employer and co-workers that my last day on the job will be March 26, 2010. This morning the bf also informed them that he was leaving. I think that next month will involve us traveling a bit. I'm thinking the Grand Canyon, Phoenix, San Diego, LA, and San Francisco. Maybe doing a bit of the Northwest. I'm nervous and excited.

To Buy or Not to Buy

This weekend I'm headed out to look at apartments and houses and condos. I'm in a weird place right now given the fuzziness with my job situation -- I kind of have a job, but not really. I'm debating about whether to buy or rent. Here's my options:

1) rent a nice 2-3 bedroom apartment (dishwasher, washer/dryer hookups, garage, central air) for about $750-$1000 in a fun/good area.

2) buy a 3 bedroom house in a good school district (but not really fun area) for $200,000-$250,000.

3) buy a 2 bedroom condo (maintenance fee of $150/month) in a good area that's close to the fun area for about $115,000.

I have enough money for a good downpayment on either of the purchasing options, and the tax credit seems like an awesome deal (especially for the condos), but I'm not sure I want to be locked into a condo and I'm not sure I'm financially in a position to purchase a house before the end of April.

So I guess I'll see what I see. Anyone have any thoughts?

I'm blind

Yesterday, I went to the eye doctor. Nothing terribly unusual there. I go once a year. I went to the same doctor I had gone to the year before. I knew that my vision had gotten worse.

As the title of this post indicates, I'm blind. My old perscription was a -9.0, and things had gotten pretty fuzzy (at least on the left side). When I told my doctor this, I got a 20 minute lecture on how I was too old for my eyes to still be growing (and getting worse), and that I wasn't really more blind that I had been before, and that she wasn't going to increase my perscription even though I wanted her to. I looked at her dubiously and told her, "Whatever, but you're fuzzy and you are sitting 2 feet from me." This launched her into another diatribe about how I wasn't gonna get a higher perscription out of her.

Then she did my vision test.

I walked out of there with a -9.5 lens in my right eye and a -10.0 in my left. She blamed my vision change on birth control. I blame it on practicing law.

Of drug tests and physicals

After a weekend of excitment (how times have changed when outlet mall shopping, a nice dinner, and a baby shower with old friends can be considered excitment), I came back to the real world of Chicago. Yesterday, I received a letter telling me the location of the medical facility for my physical as required for my potential future job.

This morning, I called to schedule my phyical, the phyical that is required before I can find out my start date or salary for potential future job. I thought - no big deal. But it is- next appointment date=APRIL 29. That's right, I'm left in limbo land for approximately 2 months. While I'm not terribly concerned about the physical, I am slightly worried. As you know, my elbow injury has left me with some limitations on my range of motion, and this has the potential to be a problem for potential future job. Also, apparently gall bladder disease can occasionally be a problem (and we all know that I no longer have a gall bladder).

This leaves me with a number of questions. Do I apply for other jobs (seems like a bad idea cause it might piss people off, including my references, since I already provisionally accepted potential future job)? What date do I decide for my last day at this one (oh I wish you were tomorrow finish date)? Should I go ahead and rent an apartment in the STL starting in April (my lease here ends at the end of March) or should I try to talk my landlord into an extra month?

On better news, I had my drug test today. That's a weird experience. They lock your purse in a cabinet, and your coat outside the door. No flushing or washing your hands until the person comes back.

Good News

Today I got some good news. I feel like I should be jumping up and down excited. I got a provisional job offer. Back in St. Louis. Doing a job that's a complete change of pace. I'll be doing something that might change people's lives - not just their pocket books. I also might be carrying a gun. Its crazy and exciting and somewhat unreal.

At the same time, I'm not as excited as I should be. My boyfriend can't even look me in the eye. I don't feel that he supports me. In fact, all I hear is "its not fair." I keep saying that I want him to come with me, but there's not much I can do.

I want to feel like its time to break out the Champagne, but I've got no one to drink it with.

Chicago

Whenever people asked me why I was moving to Chicago, I always told them that I wanted "to see if I could." That's a stupid reason. Don't get me wrong - I've gotten a lot out of my move to Chicago.

With the dark overtone of my previous post, I must say that there are parts of Chicago I love. I've enjoyed explored a new place. I've eaten at fantastic restaurants. I love being able to walk to all kinds of wonderful places. I love the variety of music venues and artists that the city attracts. I love the fact that on any spring or summer weekend there is a music festival, street fair, or art fair somewhere in the city. I love that I walk to work. I love that my brother and his family are a 45 minute train or car ride away. I love the smell of the chocolate factory and the way it feels like home. I love the potential.

I love Lakeshore Drive and the view from the top of the Hancock. I love free outdoor ice skating. I love Ann Sather cinnamon rolls and stuffed dates at Avec. I love th skyline.

Its nice to visit, but I'm ready to be just comfortable again.

New Beginnings

I haven't written anything in this blog since I moved to Chicago. At first this was a conscious decision. I was making a clean break from my past, seeing what I could make of this new life, looking for a new future and a new self.

But, after a few months, my reasons for not posting changed. My loneliness was overwhelming. I missed my friends. I missed the comfortable life I had left behind. I missed being in a city that I knew like the back of my hand. I missed enjoying my job.

That last one was a big one. I longed for days when my stomach wouldn't hurt out of anxiety and fear that I was going to screw up or get yelled at for no apparent reason (happened more than once). I longed to legitimately like the people I worked for.

None of this happened. Well, that's not entirely true. My stomach stopped hurting - not because the fear went away, but because it stopped mattering to me. It was replaced with dread. Every day I woke up thinking that I didn't want to go to work.

All that changed a week before Christmas. I found out that come April, I won't have this dreaded job anymore. I have to find something else to do. This statement was liberating. I don't have to keep doing this, and I will succeed in doing something else. Doors have been opened and the possibilities seem endless. I just needed a push.

Its not to say that the move hasn't had its good parts - my boyfriend has ended the lonely oppression. Still - I feel like I'm emerging into the sunlight (and hopefully taking him with me).