Thursday, January 31, 2008

doubling up

Last night, I ached when I went to bed. My legs felt like jelly. My arms could hardly be lifted over my head, even my face hurt (I think I have a slight sinus infection). Yesterday, I ran my four mile pace workout. It felt great. I'm very happy with my speed - running 1/2 a mile at a pace that I could barely maintain for a quarter mile a couple weeks ago was pretty cool. After my run, I cooled down, took a body shower, ran to the downtown grocery store, grabbed a quick high calorie dinner (mmm quesadillas), and drove over to the rock climbing gym. I knew it wasn't going to be a good day for climbing cause just taking the steps up four flights to get my car in the garage was hard. I always thought I climbed too much with my arms, but last night, with completely blown legs, I proved that I actually use my legs quite a bit. I sucked last night (couldn't make it to the top on any wall - I'd start shaking about half way up), but it was way fun.

After that, I drove home and started packing. This weekend could be pretty major for me in the work area of my life so wish me luck. By the time I climbed in bed last night, I was utterly exhausted physically, but I still couldn't sleep. I had hoped that the physical exhaustion would help, but instead I lay there slightly uncomfortable from muscle soreness and got thought about my excitement and nervousness...its gonna be a long weekend.

Weight: 166.2
Miles: 4 (43:40 - slow 1 mile warmup, 400 meters fast, 200 slow (repeat), 1/2 mile fast, 400 meters slow, 400 meters fast, 200 slow (repeat), 3/4 mile slow cooldown)

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

cookie dough

As some of you may know, I have a bit of a binge eating problem. I generally live in denial that its really a problem, and most of the time, I manage to suppress the general urge to binge. Still, certain foods are trigger foods, and no matter how bad I know they are for me, I can't resist eating myself sick. For me, cookie dough is one of those foods.

Most of the time, I can pass the prepackaged rolls at the grocery store and not even think about the craving. Most of the time, I don't long for the taste and the full feeling that comes from cookie dough before I get sick. I don't generally buy it (unless I'm really depressed and well, ok, sometimes when I'm super stressed). But, when its in the house, sitting there, open, with no purpose other than snacking - evil and tempting.

My roommate bought a tub of cookie dough for her birthday party. She intended it to be a drunk food - possibly to bake cookies with, mostly to be eaten with a spoon. She opened the container earlier that day (and how proud of myself I was that I didn't open the GIANT TUB of cookie dough that had been sitting in my fridge for three days and dig in before then), and that was a good portion of my lunch that day. I ate it again the next day, and the one after that, and the one after that, and again today. I've gorged myself on giant spoonfuls. I think a good part of my continued hangover on Monday was due to dough consumption rather than alcohol consumption. As long as it sits in my fridge, I am tempted and generally give in to that temptation. The sad thing is, I don't even like chocolate chip cookie dough - I love sugar cookie dough, but the chocolate chips make it ... blah:-P yet still, I eat and eat and make myself sick.

Sometimes, especially times like this, I worry that I should seek treatment for my binge food eating. Why do I do this to myself (note that I would NEVER buy a GIANT TUB of cookie dough on my own - although I have been known to buy a roll of cookie dough and eat myself sick on those too)? Grrr...

Run: 5 miles - 1 hour, 1 minute
Weight: 169.2

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

I'm officially old

Sunday was my roommate's birthday, and we had a big party on Saturday night. I don't drink much these days - maybe have a beer three times a month, so my binge drinking on Saturday night was a bit much for my body.

I had anticipated the fact that I was going to feel like crap on Sunday. I figured I wouldn't get my long run in on Sunday, but it didn't matter cause I didn't have to work on Monday. Surely I could easily run my 5 miles on Monday. Not so much.

Monday, I actually felt worse than Sunday. My stomach was still rebelling (I never threw up, but just curled up in a ball and wanted whatever was eating my stomach from the inside out to finally die). I ate nothing for most of Monday and didn't get dressed or leave the apartment. So, I didn't get my 5 miles in that day either.

Now, I'm torn. I think I'm just going to continue with the schedule and pretend that I didn't skip the five...or maybe run five tomorrow instead of the three that's on my schedule...stupid hangover...

Friday, January 18, 2008


So, I've known for quite some time that I'm addicted to caffeine. I can't go a day without a jolt or I get terrible headaches. But, I always thought that I was just addicted to caffeine. I never would have guessed that it was also soda - not just the drug, but the product.

The first couple days of my no soda ban were easy. Switching to coffee instead of soda was fine in the mornings. I sort of like the ritual of brewing coffee - the warm comforting rich bitter smell waking me up and easing me into my day. I like filling up my mug and hopping in the car to go to work. It feels very grown up.

Still, a few days ago, I began to have a slight understanding of what an alcoholic feel like (I'm not comparing, but beginning to understand just how hard it actually is). For the past week or so, around 2 pm, I've started craving a Diet Pepsi. I want it so bad. I used to get one every afternoon at that time, and I know I have the fifty cents in my desk drawer and that the soda is mere steps away. I think to myself, "Its just one soda. One soda won't hurt you. It will help you get through this long afternoon." But, I have somehow managed to resist.

The problem is, I know its never just one soda. If I let myself get one, I'll want one again tomorrow. I know that having one an afternoon will lead me to start buying 12 packs again (and going through about 3 twelve packs a week). Maybe I don't need to give up soda forever (though I suspect that I do), but still, for right now, I know I have to resist.

No run last night, instead I managed to deal with some car issues, buy new running shoes, and work late - gonna run 3 tonight.
Weight: 167.4

Thursday, January 10, 2008

ode to the basement bomb shelter

Recently I read an article about how gyms are what are making people fat. I don't really buy the substance of the article, but it got me thinking. A lot of the gist was that the modern bells and whistles of a gym do more harm than good. People think they are supposed to be entertained at the gym. Overweight people are intimidated by the skinny people, giant mirrors, and complicated machines. They think that doing a few reps on a weight machine will do the trick. I have found that for me, the gym environment really does make a big difference about whether or not I go.

My current gym is a perfect example of this. Its on the first floor of a federal courthouse in a drab windowless room. It was built in the space where the day care would have been, except, I work in the first federal courthouse built after Oklahoma city, and well, they decided that a day care was a bad idea. There are two tv sets that are constantly set to CNN. There are no mirrors. There are four fans in the place, and the magazines are whatever other people have brought in and left behind the desk thing by the door. There is no pilates room, or separate weight area
(the Marshals have their own training room - not to be shared with the common folks), or juice bar, or laundry service.

Its pretty basic stuff: six treadmills (only four that can take running, two are for walking only), two regular bikes, one recumbent bike, two spin bikes, six ellipticals, two rowing machines, a pair of stair climber, weight machines, and free weights. That's it. There are no personal trainers or membership fees. No time limits on the cardio equipment.

I love my gym. Its simple and easy. Its never crowded after work (although lunch time can be busy). I never feel like I'm being judged for my workout. On days like today, its perfectly ok for me to run two miles and then hop on a bike for 20 minutes.

I think I do best with simple places with people who leave you alone. Last year, I joined a 24 hour fitness. The manager guy who always remembered me and said hi, creeped me out. I dreaded going to that placed lined with windows to the outdoors, mirrors, hundreds of televisions, and blasting music. Just walking into the brightly lit interior made me feel inferior. I don't know why. It was a beautiful gym, but I never belonged there. My membership lasted all of six months. Even though I had that beautiful gym that was available 24 hours a day, I instead mostly headed down to the basement bomb shelter that was the free gym at work. I felt safe and secure there. It feel good to be spending a significant amount of time down there again - it makes my mom sad though, cause no way am I meeting any guys at the gym...

Miles: 2
Weight: 170.2 (don't know why its up right now, I'm still doing WW and I've been good - gonna keep trying - I know weight can fluctuate and its not the end of the world)

Sunday, January 06, 2008

The park again

Today I ran with a friend. It was my first scheduled "training run" for the half marathon. I forgot how hard hills are, especially the hill at the end of my street. I'm sore and tired and it feels fantastic.

The required run was actually 3, but we ended up doing something more like 3.6 or 3.8 cause well, I needed a pee in the middle. When your bladder calls during a run, not much to do other than be in pain or find a bathroom. I chose bathroom.

Today was also weird because of the weather. The temps here were in the upper 70s today - it was downright strange. It was super humid too. Everything was sticky and the sweat didn't have anywhere to go. The bathroom at the visitor's center was so humid that the metal part of the toilet was wet with condensation.

Miles: 3.4+ (google maps guestimate - tomorrow I'm calibrating a Nike+Ipod sensor - yay!)
Weight: 168.6

Saturday, January 05, 2008

Come on baby light my fire

I've never run any significant distance at this weight before. Last year when I was training for the half marathon I maintained a weight that was generally just shy of 160 pounds. I wasn't pleased to be running at that weight at the time, but accepted that was where I was at. It didn't really make thing too difficult - all my running tights still fit, my shirts, etc. This year, I'm 10 pounds heavier and now I've got some added complications-

Friction. Last night when I started running on the treadmill in some loose fitting workout pants (not tights)...I noticed the sound of my thighs rubbing together. Honestly, I was actually a bit concerned - there seemed to be enough friction going on for me to light a fire. Although I can say that it didn't end up altering the run, it wasn't entirely the most comfortable thing. I'm thinking it might be a good thing if I can lose some weight before the long runs kick in.

Weight: 169.6
Miles: (last night) 2.6

Wednesday, January 02, 2008

on again

I dislike New Year's Resolutions, in part, because of their reputation. New Year's Resolutions mean trying to change for a couple weeks and then forgetting about it when life intervenes. That's why, while I'm making some changes, I refuse to refer to them as resolutions.

First, I've given up soda. As of my return from Chicago for Christmas, I haven't had a single drop of soda. I'm still addicted to carbonation so I'm back to carbonated water (go through about a twelve pack of cans in 4 days). This is because I've noticed a pattern: I gain weight or have more difficulty losing weight when I'm drinking soda (diet soda, sugar soda, it doesn't matter). I don't know if that's corralation or causation, but regardless, I'm not drinking soda. I do best on a water/carbonated water/coffee routine (note that I'm not giving up caffeine - coffee and tea are still acceptible).

Second, I'm training for a half-marathon again. I know that by the end of my training last year, I was sick of it and couldn't wait to not have training runs on my schedule anymore. For that reason, I'm not signing up for the race yet. I've got the training runs in my calendar and a training partner all lined up. If the end of March comes around, and I don't want to spend my Sundays hitting the trails in Forest Park, I won't. But, I think I will want to. I enjoyed the actual race immensely, and I love having a committment to myself to be running. It gives me an excuse for being obsessive about my exercise.

Third, I signed up for weight watchers online, and I'm going to lose the weight that I've gained since the broken arm (and hopefully a bit more). I know that as the training ramps up this is going to get more difficult, but I also know that I have to do this. My weight will only keep going up if I don't do something about it and I don't want to be the round thing I was when I graduated college ever again. Hopefully, in the next couple of months (while training is still relatively light), I can lose the 10 pounds that are currently making me feel bad about myself.

Finally, I'm posting my stats here again even though they embarrass me. I've become depressed about my lazy girl on the couch weight gain (or broken elbow weight gain) and I know I can't really hide it from the world anyway since you can see it on my face and in my waist. So:

Weight: 171 (ug, how did it get this bad!?!)
Training: Running 30 minutes (about 2.5 miles) with a 4 minute walking cooldown afterward